It's In His Kiss
by AuraThundera
Summary: Sara has left Las Vegas and cut Grissom off. But there's still a chance...


It's In His Kiss   
Aura Thundera 

* * *

Disclaimer:   
CSI and all of the characters are not my property, and I make no profit off of this. 

Timeline:   
Between _Inside The Box_ and _Assume Nothing_. (Seasons 3 and 4)

* * *

Sara Sidle rolled over in bed. The phone was ringing at two in the morning. She opened one eye and stared at the phone, hoping that whoever was on the other end would give up. Eventually the answering machine took over. 

"Beeep... I'm unavailable right now. Please leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you... Beeep..." 

"Sara? Sara? I'm sorry, I know I'm waking you up." Nick Stokes' voice emerged from the answering machine. 

_I've really got to figure out how to turn down the volume on that thing. _Sara thought, as she pulled the pillow over her head. 

"Sara, I know you're on day shift now, you lucky stinker," Nick said. "But I thought you needed to know about this. I... uh... messed up. Bad." 

The plaintive note in Nick's voice broke through to her, and Sara got up. She sprinted for the phone in the living room and picked up the receiver. The answering machine cut out as she lifted the receiver. 

"Nick, what did you _do_?" Sara asked. "Is this personal, or do you just want to cry on my shoulder because you sneezed in the DNA samples at work?" 

Nick heaved a sigh into the phone. "Sara, I know you left without giving Grissom an address. I don't know why, but I assume that you had a reason." 

"So?" Sara asked, a sinking feeling in her stomach. 

"You forgot about Greg." Nick said. "He said that he wanted to write to you-" 

"Let me get this straight. You hauled me out of bed to ask if I mind Greg having my address?" Sara asked. 

"Um, no." Nick said, sounding sheepish. "I gave your address to Greg. My back was to the break room door, and I didn't see Grissom come in. You know how he is. He heard it once, but I'm sure he memorized it. I turned around in time to see him get the biggest grin I swear I've ever seen on him, and then he turned and left. And now I just saw him shove a pile of papers into Cath's hands and haul ass out of here--" 

A brief scuffle came through the phone, and then the call ended with a click. 

Sara stared at the phone in disbelief. "I can't believe this! I came here to LA to get away. I'm a supervisor now. I've relaxed for the first time in months!" Sara shouted to no one in particular. "Nicky, the only thing saving your ass right now is the fact that Las Vegas is four hours away." 

The phone rang again in her hand. Sara looked down at the Caller ID. Las Vegas Crime Lab. Sara pressed the Talk button and put the receiver to her ear, prepared to yell at Nick. Except the voice on the line this time was Greg. 

"Sara!" Greg shouted. "I'm sorry! I know you were angry with Grissom when you left. I didn't mean for him to find out where you were! I know you wanted to cut him off for good. I just wanted to send you a letter, I swear!" 

"Greg, it's okay," Sara said, trying to soothe Greg. "I just forgot to tell you. I wouldn't mind a letter or two. It's not really your fault." 

Greg chuckled into the phone. "By the way, it's shaping up to be an entertaining night here in Vegas. Right after Nick and I screwed up, Grissom busted out in the biggest grin I swear I've ever seen." Abruptly, Greg's voice became serious and slightly dejected. "Sara, he's in love. I could see it in his eyes. He lit up as soon as he heard your name. Ever since you left, he's been stomping around the lab, breathing fire at everyone. Yesterday Carvallo tried to talk to him about filling your position, and Grissom went thermonuclear. They were in Grissom's office, and I could hear him here in the DNA lab." 

"What?" Sara said, shocked. 

"Well, it started with Grissom yelling something about you being on leave, and then he told Carvallo to do something anatomically impossible," Greg said. "The only reason he's still got a job is probably because he's pretty much irreplaceable. If I went psycho on him like that, Carvallo would boot me out in an instant." 

Sara went white. "He didn't!" 

"Yeah, he did," Greg said. "He's got it for you bad, girl. Ever since you left, he's been wearing his heart on his sleeve. Today, after break, I saw him come barreling out of his office. He barged right into Catherine, threw a pile of papers at her and ran out of the building. Then he knocked down one of the receptionists on his way out, and right now, Catherine took Nick's cell away from him and she won't give it back." 

"Nick was just on the line with me," Sara said. "He was confessing too. Sounds like the lab has turned into a three ring circus." 

"Tell me about it. Archie just won some kind of pool about when Grissom would admit to loving you. Um, gotta go. Catherine's coming." 

A dial tone emerged from the phone. _So, _Sara thought. _Grissom finally decided what to do about "this". Too bad it's too late. If he shows up here with roses, I swear I'll make him eat them. He'll do whatever it takes to keep me at his beck and call. I don't want him in my life anymore._

_ Yes you do,_ that annoying little voice in her head shot back. _He's so deep in your heart that he's wrapped himself around your soul. Don't say you didn't feel it, Sidle. Moving away from Las Vegas ripped a chunk right out of you._

"No!" Sara said out loud, stifling her mental conflict. "I won't let him hurt me ever again!" 

_Now what do I do? _Sara asked herself. _I could hide out at work. But then he'd probably camp on the steps here, or worse yet, show up at the crime lab looking for me. I guess it'll be easier to deal with if I wait for him here, on my territory._

_ Now I've just got to find something to do for the next four hours. At least, I've got four hours if he doesn't manage to break the sound barrier on I-15._

Sara headed back into the bedroom to get dressed. There was no way that she was going to fall asleep again, not with the butterflies that had taken up residence in her stomach. 

_I want him gone, _Sara thought as she pulled on her clothes and tried to brush her hair. _I want to be free. I don't want to be jerked around anymore. He rejected me. Fine. Now it's time for me to move on. I don't want Gil Grissom anymore. He's killed anything that I ever wanted to feel for him._

What she feared, more than anything else, were his eyes. One beseeching look and she'd forget all about how much she didn't want him. 

Finally giving up on her hair, Sara headed back out to her living room and turned on the television. After several circuits of the tuner, Sara quickly determined that by 2:30 AM, the only thing on television was music videos or infomercials. She settled on Insomniac Music Theater and began to watch. The videos passed slowly, as Sara spent most of her time lost in thought, occasionally glancing at the clock. 

3:05 AM. _I'm going to drive to Las Vegas on my next day off just to boot Nicky for this._

3:41 AM. _I hope Carvallo serves Grissom his ass on a platter over this. I hope that bastard loses his job. No I don't. He'll move to Los Angeles just to piss me off._

3:50 AM. _It could be fun if Grissom gets fired and moves to LA. I'm an assistant supervisor now. The only openings are for some regular CSIs. I could be his boss. I could outdo Grissom at his own game. I could stomp on his heart every day and hide behind my job._

4:25 AM. _ I've got forty-five minutes, if he's been speeding. Maybe he's been pulled over and given one monster of a ticket. I feel a smirk coming on._

4:39 AM. _ I think I'll go back to Las Vegas for a visit in a week or two. To do list: Pay visit to lab. Make Nicky miserable. Pointedly ignore Grissom. Kiss Greg for being sweet. Call ambulance when Mister Jealousy pops a coronary artery._

4:56 AM. _Too bad this place is nice and clean. I could use a cockroach when Bug Brain shows up. "This is you, Grissom. This is what I think of you." Stomp. Crunch. Squish. "Go home to your bugs. You treat them better than you treat me."_

5:10 AM. _Where is that bastard? Did he bother to obey the speed limit? After all that Greg and Nick told me?_

5:12 AM. _Big blue pleading eyes. No! No! No! Big BLACK eyes! That's what he'll have if he doesn't buzz off._

5:14 AM. _ There's a car pulling into the parking lot and stopping. It could just be the guy downstairs who works nights. Except the guy downstairs doesn't drive the exact... same... car... as... Grissom..._

5:16 AM. _He's just sitting there in the car. Is he gathering up his courage? Chicken out, Grissom. You were a weenie the whole time I was in Vegas. It's too late to grow balls now._

5:17 AM. _He's walking over here, coming up the stairs to the second level. Go away, Grissom. Go away. Go away, go away, go away!_

The doorbell snapped Sara out of her reverie. She realized that she had a death grip on the arm of the sofa. Slowly, Sara picked up the remote and turned off the television. The doorbell rang again. Sara put her feet up on the table and waited, hoping that he might finally give up. 

The doorbell rang a third time. Sara picked up the _Journal of Forensic Science_. Grissom tried to peer in through the window and evidently saw enough to convince him that she was not only at home, but also ignoring him. He began to pound on the door and yell. 

"Sara! I know you're in there!" 

Sara walked slowly over to the window and pulled the top sash down about an inch and squatted on a table to look through the crack. Grissom instantly reacted and turned to stare in through the crack. Bloodshot blue eyes met outwardly calm brown ones. 

"Go away." Sara said, and shoved the window closed. She slapped the window lock home with a satisfying click. 

Grissom pounded on the door again. 

Sighing, Sara opened the door, leaving it on the chain. "What part of 'go away' don't you understand?" 

Grissom leaned on the door, managing to look like a kicked puppy. "The 'away' part." 

Sara grunted. "How charming. I could call the cops about this, you know." 

"But you won't. Please?" Grissom said, his voice wheedling. "Let me talk to you, Sara. Really talk." 

"Grissom, have you been possessed by the pod people or something?" Sara asked. "You haven't even talked to me like a friend for a long time. Now you want to REALLY TALK just because I took a good job here instead of playing your little minion at home." 

Sara slapped a hand over her mouth. _I did NOT just say that! Shit! And how does he do this to my vocabulary? I never feel the need for four-letter words unless he's around._

Grissom's eyes lit up. "So Las Vegas is home?" 

"Not anymore." Sara shot back. "This is my home, or it will be as soon as I finish unpacking." She leaned against the door again, doing her best to shove him back. 

"Please, Sara," Grissom pleaded. "Come home. Or at least let me in." 

"No. I want you out of my life. I'm tired of being your little pull toy. You pull me in when you want me and push me away when you don't. You never really wanted me. I was just a handy CSI to have around and I happened to be a convenient friend." 

"I swear that's not what I meant!" Grissom said. 

The pain in his voice shocked Sara. She'd never heard that level of raw emotion out of him before. His cool facade seemed to have absolutely evaporated. In her heart, she knew. For the first time, she was seeing everything he kept locked up inside. Slowly, she released the chain and pulled back the door. Grissom shot in through the door, slamming it behind him and made to embrace her, but she held up a hand and backed away. 

"No," Sara said. "I want an explanation." 

Slowly, Grissom sank onto her couch. Sara noticed that he was shaking. As the light played across his face and body, Sara took in his appearance for the first time. His hair looked matted, as though he hadn't taken time to brush it in days. It was also grayer than she thought she remembered. There were stains on his shirt that looked like coffee. 

"Griss, what's happened to you?" she asked. 

He tried to run a hand through his hair, only to be stopped by the tightly matted curls. "I stopped caring," he whispered. "I even used to try to dye it." 

"You dyed your hair," Sara said, incredulous. "You?" 

Grissom smiled wanly. "I thought hiding the gray could cut down on the age difference between us. Silly, huh. You never even noticed." 

Stricken, Sara dropped into a chair. "You were trying to look younger... for me?" 

"I wanted you to notice me," Grissom said, staring at the floor, obviously in pain. "I wanted you to see me as something other than the boss, something other than your instructor. But I couldn't compete with younger men. You're young, beautiful. Every man in the lab practically drooled over you. I might have been the best of the CSIs, but when it came to being a man, I was the least. I was... old. And... I was going deaf. You deserved someone... who was whole." 

Tears ran down Sara's face. "You thought I would reject you because I thought you were defective?" 

"Sara, I couldn't face it myself," Grissom said, his voice shaking. "I... pushed you away. I convinced myself that it was for your own good." 

"I don't love you for your hearing, or your looks," Sara said, her own voice shaking as her heart betrayed itself. "I love you for you. I always have. You could have told me. You could have talked to me." 

"I was afraid." 

"You thought I would reject you." 

Grissom nodded. "And then I rejected you. I'm sorry, Sara. I really am. It was the day I was scheduled for my surgery. I had finally come to terms with the fact that I had to get something done or I would go deaf. And then I'd lose... everything. You were the one person who could hurt me. I thought I could get past it, but then you left. You cut me out of your life, and it hit home. I would never see you again." 

Sara folded her arms. "It was my intent." 

"When Nick let it slip where you were..." Grissom said. "It felt like the darkness around me had parted. I had another chance. I knew it was slim after all that I had done to you. All I knew was that I had to try." 

He looked up at her, his eyes dark and intense. "Sara, I couldn't protect myself by keeping you away. I finally realized the truth." Grissom reached for her hand, and Sara let him take it. "I need you, Sara. I love you. You're the only one who can make me happy. I don't want to torture myself anymore. I have to try." 

"What about your job? If I come back to Las Vegas, you'd be my supervisor again," Sara said doubtfully. 

"If I have to, I'll quit," Grissom said. "I will, I swear. I need you. If we're in a committed relationship, there will be fewer problems." 

Sara thought for a moment, but the joy bubbling up in her heart overrode thinking. Gil Grissom was sitting next to her, professing love. Her dream. 

"I'll come home with you," Sara stammered out, still vaguely unsure. _Am I setting myself up for disappointment again? _Sara wondered. _Is he just going to pull away from me again when we get home?_

In an instant, she found herself yanked into strong arms. His lips caught hers, and Sara felt like fainting. It felt like his hands were everywhere, all over her body. She could feel his beard, rough against her cheek, as he deepened the kiss. Rational thinking fled, and Sara gave herself up to him. All of her doubts were gone. She was safe, cherished, and adored. 

When the need to breathe finally caught up with him and Grissom released her, Sara leaned into him. Her knees felt like they would collapse right under her. "I guess the song was right after all," she breathed. 

"What song?" Grissom whispered back. 

"It _is _in his kiss." 


End file.
